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Jerry uses a dentist friend, Roy to write fake doctors notes for he, Elaine, and George so they can get physical therapy massages and have their insurance cover it. Jerry gets a female physical therapist while George gets a male one. George acts very uncomfortable and tries to back out of his massage. George believes "it" might have moved and ponders the implications. Kramer thinks he saw Joe Dimagio at the Dinky Doughnuts resturant. Kramer thought he saw him dip his doughnuts in coffee. The dentist that wrote the notes for the gang to get physical therapy comes under investigation for insurance fraud and he may lose his license.
George dates a female IRS agent and attempts to use her to help Jerry with his taxes. The plan seems to be a good one until George breaks up with her and tells her why he originally went out with her; that being to help Jerry with his taxes. The woman goes into a deep depression and is institutionalized. Jerry's tax papers and records are destroyed. Kramer dates a roommate of Elaine and spends a lot of time around Elaine as a result of this. Kramer sees Elaine nude as she emerges from the shower and the two cope with the discomfort this create for their freindship.
Elaine travels with Jerry to meet his parents in Florida at their condominium. The condo has climiate control problems and a back breaking sofa bed. One of Jerry's parents (Klompus) friends tells Jerry about an astronaught pen that can write upside down. After Jerry comments on how cool it is, he is offered the pen but refuses. The man then offers the pen in an ever nastier tone until Jerry takes the pen. This man is to remember Jerry as the man that took his astronaught pen in future episodes.
Jerry gets suckered into watching a dog for a man he met on an airplane flight who gets sick and is in a hospital somewhere in Chicago. Jerry can't go out as he has to watch the dog all the time. George and Elaine miss Jerry and find that without Jerry, their times out just aren't the same. Since they can't talk well with each other about anything, they start talking about Jerry and his little quirks and obsessions.
Jerry is told by a "library cop" that he has a library book The Tropic of Capricorn that is 25 years overdue. Jerry thinks through the past through a series of flashbacks with younger versions of himself and George. He recalls that George borrowed the book from him and never gave it back. Elaine feels her ideas are not to the likeing of her boss at work and fears for her job. George thinks he sees an old gym school teacher that used to give him wedges. Jerry and George explain to Elaine what wedges and atomic wedges are. Kramer pursues a young librarian.
9* The Parking Garage
George, Elaine, and Jerry spend all afternoon trying to find Kramer's car in a parking garage. George has to go to the bathroom but can find none so he urinates in a corner of the parking garage. A security guard spots him and he is arrested. Jerry also has to go to the bathroom and also is arrested. Jerry tells the guard that he could suffer from uroicidysis and die if he didn't relieve himself. Elaine's fish die in her apartement from neglict and Kramer hauls around a heavy air conditioner. This episode really illustrates that this is a show that can make something of nothing as the whole show is basically about a lost car in a parking garage. Level by level the gang searches, walking in circles, and going no where until they turn around and as if by magic there is the car.
Jerry becomes friends with an immigrant restaurant owner named Babu that just can't seem to attract many customers to his store. Elaine takes an IQ test for George because his girlfriend wanted to see how smart George is. Elaine performs horribly. and the pair attempts to cheat a second time but they get caught. Kramer uses a jacket owned by an ex-boyfriend of his mother to attract chicks. Things go well for Kramer until the ex-boyfriend comes looking for his jacket.
Erotic messages are left on Jerry's answering machine and George hears them. He listens to them and soon learns that the person leaving the messages is Elaine. George becomes infatuated with Elaine because of this. George hears of a new cure for baldness from China and orders it.
The Nose Job
George dates a woman with a big nose. Kramer tells her about how big her nose is truly so she gets a nose job. Jerry wrestles with deciding rather or not to stay in a relationship in which the sex is good but nothing else is there. Kramer has Elaine help him search for the Jacket from the Cafe episode from two shows earlier.
Jerry and Elaine develop a primitive signal that they can use to get each other out of awkward situations at a party. George leaves with someone from the party when he thinks he has a chance with her. This leaves Elaine and Jerry stranded as they have no way home except Kramer who is taking a long time to reach the party. Elaine becomes fed up with one woman that keeps commenting on her fiancee. She keeps saying "I have lost my fiancee, What happened to my poor baby." Elaine responds with "maybe the Dingo ate your baby." This is a reference to the Mel Steep movie A Cry in the Dark which entails what happens when a woman's baby is kidnapped by dogs in Australia. George believes that he got shortchanged at a drug store and attempts to steal from them to recoup his losses but he gets caught and arrested.
The Alternate Side
Elaine grows tired of her new 66 year old boyfriend and attempts to dump him. As she attempts to dump him he has a stroke or heart attack. Kramer is given the opportunity to read a line in a new Woody Allen film. His line is "these pretzels are making me thirsty." George gets a job moving cars which spells disaster for traffic flow in the area. Jerry's car gets stolen and he has trouble getting a rental. Jerry does however contact the theif via his carphone which is still in the car.
7* The Red Dot
George finds a Cashmere sweater on sale. The only thing wrong with it is a small red dot. He gives the sweater to Elaine and she quickly gives it back. George sleeps with the cleaning lady at work. He then tries to give her the Cashmere sweater. She gives him a story about when she was in her country all she wanted was cashmere. A tourist refused to give her a Cashmere sweater no matter how much she pleaded. She loves George's gift until she finds the red dot and says "What's this." She throws back the sweater and tells George's boss about their office excapades. George is fired after telling his boss that he had no idea that "such things were frowned upon." Jerry accidentally gives one of Elaine's alcoholic friends a drink. He goes berserk and moves in on George Elaine, and Jerry. They hide under a desk and finally George quivering hands the man the cashmere sweater. Then he notices the red dot and gets really mad. Jerry heckles the alcoholic friend of Elaine in his stand up routines by asking about the phrases off the wagon and on the wagon as applied to alcoholics.
8* The Subway
This episode centers around the exploits of the gang on a subway ride. George travels on the subway so he can go to a job interview. He is distracted by a beautiful woman and decides to go with her rather than to the interview. She pretends to like kinky stuff and ties him to a bed. Then she takes his money and exclaims that George had no money and that she wasted her whole afternoon for the few dollars he had. She then leaves with George's money and with George tied to the bed. George at first is mad but then asks if she will call him. Elaine's subway gets stuck in a dark tunnel while she is in route to a lesbian wedding in which she is going to be "the best man." Jerry falls asleep on his subway ride and awakens to a fat naked man reading the newspaper. Jerry ponders just what might have occured when he was sleeping and then shifts subjects to the New York Mets and Coney Island. Kramer is headed to pay off $600 in parking tickets and hears a hot tip on a race horse.
The Pez Dispenser
Jerry causes Elaine to laugh at a piano recital being held by George's girlfriend because of a pez dispenser he got from Kramer. This puts a strain on George's relationship. Kramer comes up with an idea for a new cologne that smells like the beach and titles it "the beach." The idea is realized in a later Seinfeld episode by the Calvin Klein company. George listens to Kramer and decides that he should make a premptive strike and break up with his girlfriend before she breaks up with him. This would give George the upperhand as he sees it. The pez dispenser Jerry got from Kramer is used during a drug intervention to help a friend addicted to drugs. The pez dispenser works wonders in this area.
Elaine fasts because she can not eat before an X-ray test she has planned. Jerry is hit on by Gina a married woman whose husband is in a comma. Even in a comma Jerry is afraid of him. Elaine breaks her fast and eats a Drakes coffee cake. A psychic warns George that he should not go on his dream vacation. As a result George lets Kramer go to the Cayman Islands instead.
4* The Fix-up
Elaine and Jerry plot to fix up George with one of Elaine's friends. Elaine tells her friend that George is stocky and powerful. She deduces this means fat. Elaine says that George is balding and will be bald. George is told about Elaine's friend by Jerry. Jerry says that she is really rather pretty. George asks if she has a "pinkish hue" to her cheeks. Kramer hands out condoms he has been given. George takes one just in case his date goes well. George uses the condom and has sex with his date in the kitchen. The condom's are defective. George and Jerry discuss the date. Elaine and her friend also discuss the date. Jerry and Elaine have agreed to share everything about the date, but keep everything from each other. This episode used a unique split screen to showcase the multiple conversations underway on the phone. George learns that his date hated everything especially the kitchen. When she misses her period she fears she is pregnant. Rather than respond with fear George exclaims that "my boys can swim." He embraces the concept of fatherhood and tells his former date that he is with her no matter what she chooses. This brings them closer together and eventually periods resume and the fear of preganancy dissapears.
The New Friend: The Boyfriend (Part 1 and 2)
Jerry meets New York Mets player Keith Hernandez and tries to make a good initial impression. Jerry helps Keith to get a date with Elaine which results in a date with Jerry having to be cancelled. Jerry is asked by Keith to help him move. Jerry feels this is a bit too much of a commitment question as they only went out on one date. George is running out of time on his current unemployment benefits and schemes on a way to get a 13 week extension. He tells the unemployment office that he is close to getting a job with Vandaley Industries making latex products. He sets Jerry's apartment up as Vandaley Industries headquarters. The plan backfires as Kramer answers the phone at Jerry's and says Vandaley industries is not there. Kramer and Newman believe that Keith Hernandez may have spit on them during a past baseball game so they don't like him much. George states that he wants to sleep with a really tall woman. Elaine and Keith are getting along really well until he lights up a cigarette. Elaine then dumps him as does Jerry.
George and Jerry pose as other people so they can ride in a limo meant for someone who never arrived. They call Kramer and Elaine and invite them to join them. George and Jerry discover that the people they are posing as are White Aryan suppremists. George and Jerry try their best to play it off and pretend to be who they are pretending to be, but they just can't do it. Ultimately the gang arrives at Madison Square Garden and their veichile is attacked as they are believed to be Arryan spokesman.
The Good Samaritan
Jerry witnesses a hit and run and tries to comfront the woman that did it. He winds up dating her. The victim of the hit and run thinks Jerry did it and his explation is not acceptable to her. Kramer believes that he has seizures whenever he hears Marty Hart's voice. George sleeps with a married woman after saying "god bless you" to her.
Jerry's girlfriend paints a picture of Kramer and then gives Jerry a letter that is later discovered to have been plagarized from a movie. The painting of Kramer is thought to be a masterpiece by an old couple. Elaine wears a Baltimore Orioles cap to a New York Yankees game and refuses to take it off. Elaine is banished from Yankee stadium for this feat but is given a chance to return later. George goes with Jerry to see his girlfriend in her art studio. George feels compelled to buy something from her, he thinks its an obligation.
The Parking Space
Elaine borrows Jerry's car but when she brings it back it makes a funny noise. She attempts to explain the noise with a bizarre series of lies but does not succed. Kramer tells Jerry that one of his friends, Mike thinks Jerry is fake and phony. George and Mike get into a fight about a prime parking spot in front of Jerry's apartment. Because of the parking spot dispute Jerry misses a boxing match that he and George have planned to watch together in Jerry's apartment.
Jerry becomes tired of Kramer constantly invading his privacy, so he takes away his spare keys to the apartment. Kramer feels that by losing the keys to Jerry's apartment he will be free to live on his own and will never again live under the shadow of Jerry. Jerry gives his spare keys which originally were owned by Kramer to Elaine. Jerry finally needs the spare keys to get into his apartment and schemes with George to get them back as George has the spare keys to Elaine's apartment. George at first refuses to help Jerry but finally Jerry convinces George that he is just trying to get back what he originally gave to Elaine so it wouldn't be wrong to do at all. George and Jerry sneak into Elaine's apartment via the keys and discover Elaine's script for a Hollywood project. Elaine discovers their intrustion and is furious. Kramer travels to California and lands a small role in the Murphy Brown show. The key storyline is quite intricate and is one of the more cerebral Seinfeld episodes to follow but its quite a good one. A show that can be just about spare keys, really illustrates how this is the show about nothing.
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