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FAVORITE SEINFELD EPISODES

** For detailed season by season episode guide's consult the navigation table above

8* The Subway

This episode centers around the exploits of the gang on a subway ride. George travels on the subway so he can go to a job interview. He is distracted by a beautiful woman and decides to go with her rather than to the interview. She pretends to like kinky stuff and ties him to a bed. Then she takes his money and exclaims that George had no money and that she wasted her whole afternoon for the few dollars he had. She then leaves with George's money and with George tied to the bed. George at first is mad but then asks if she will call him. Elaine's subway gets stuck in a dark tunnel while she is in route to a lesbian wedding in which she is going to be "the best man." Jerry falls asleep on his subway ride and awakens to a fat naked man reading the newspaper. Jerry ponders just what might have occured when he was sleeping and then shifts subjects to the New York Mets and Coney Island. Kramer is headed to pay off $600 in parking tickets and hears a hot tip on a race horse

4* The Fix-up

Elaine and Jerry plot to fix up George with one of Elaine's friends. Elaine tells her friend that George is stocky and powerful. She deduces this means fat. Elaine says that George is balding and will be bald. George is told about Elaine's friend by Jerry. Jerry says that she is really rather pretty. George asks if she has a "pinkish hue" to her cheeks. Kramer hands out condoms he has been given. George takes one just in case his date goes well. George uses the condom and has sex with his date in the kitchen. The condom's are defective. George and Jerry discuss the date. Elaine and her friend also discuss the date. Jerry and Elaine have agreed to share everything about the date, but keep everything from each other. This episode used a unique split screen to showcase the multiple conversations underway on the phone. George learns that his date hated everything especially the kitchen. When she misses her period she fears she is pregnant. Rather than respond with fear George exclaims that "my boys can swim." He embraces the concept of fatherhood and tells his former date that he is with her no matter what she chooses. This brings them closer together and eventually periods resume and the fear of preganancy dissapears.

Season 4

2* The Contest

The gang has a contest with a wager to see who can go the longest without masterbation. Jerry's girlfriend "the virgin" finds out about the contest and is disgusted. Elaine meets John F Kennedy Jr at the gym and ends up masterbating to thoughts of him. She is out of the contest. Kramer has sex with a neighbor that does everything in the nude for everyone to see. The Virgin after being upset loses her virginity to John F Kennedy Jr. George tells Jerry that he won the contest in the Puffy shirt episode which came much later.. In the last episode George admits that he really lied about this so Jerry really won the contest.

11* The Airport

Jerry and Elaine fly in an airplane with Jerry in first class and Elaine in coach. Elaine becomes tired of the crowded section she is in. She gets up to go to the bathroom (holds her breath while inside because of the smell) and has trouble getting back to her seat. When she does she is told that she shouldn't have gotten up during food service and that she must have gotten her meal which she didn't. Elaine sneaks up to first class after smelling cookies up there. She attempts to sleep in an abandoned seat but is quickly asked to leave. Jerry awakens from his nap in first class and asks what all the ruckus is. He is sitting next to a model and has been brought slippers and treated like a king. Elaine meanwhile is back to coach. Jerry comments that the curtain that separates coach from first class is really no protection at all and that there really should be a door. George and Kramer wait where they believe Jerry and Elaine will land but find out the flight has been rerouted so they drive off again. George offends a criminal who wished to buy a copy of Time magazine in which he was on the cover as a killer. George is determined to get back a few bucks he felt he was scammed out of many years ago. Kramer purchases some airplane tickets so that the two may go aboard an airplane to see if they can confront the man that owes George money. Kramer purchases discount tickets which are nonrefundable. The plane takes off before George can leave. The convict from earlier is onboard and George is beaten up as his face can be seen screaming the word Kramer from the window of the plane. Kramer is seen running outside on the runway by Jerry in another plane who says it couldn't be.

10* The Movie

George, Kramer, Jerry, and Elaine plan to see a movie together. George arrives at the the theater and believes that Jerry and Elaine are hiding so he has a fit. As the movie blares in the background George bellows and motions that Elaine and Jerry should show themselves. His sillouette stocky figure reminds one of jaws or some other magical movie moment. George finally learns that there is another showing of the movie that he is supposed to see. George then says he is sorry and heads away as everyone toses popcorn at him. Kramer sits alone watching the movie the gang had planned to see. Jerry and Elaine watch another movie because they arrived to the theater late. A whole episode about being late to the movie theater is just another example of how Seinfeld is a show about nothing.

6* The Junior Mint

Jerry's new girlfriend has a name that rhymes with a female body part, but Jerry can't remember it for the life of him. After making out with her, he knows that it is just too late to ask her about this. He and George ponder what her name may be in the Coffee shop. George thinks aloud and comes up with Mulva, Bovary, and Arethra. The name still can't be remembered. Jerry spends more time with her and attempts to look in her purse to find out her name. She catches him and he says he was just looking for some gum or a junior mint. Kramer enters the room and Jerry gets Kramer to introduce himself to her in hopes that she would be forced to reveal her own name. It doesen't work and then he tries the same thing when George enters the room. Jerry can only refer to this woman as "you." He mutters Mulva to her and inquires in a secretive way to see if this is her name. He then claims he has an aunt named Mulva and that her massages reminded him of her. She ultimately finds out that Jerry does not know her name and leaves. Just as she has left Jerry realises her name and screams Dolores from his apartment. Dolores rhymes with clitoris a rather intimate part of the female anatomy. Elaine discovers that a guy she once went out with is in the hospital and is about to undergo surgery. She remembers him from the past as fat and feels compeled to see him in the hospital but has Jerry pose as a boyfriend so that the guy doesen't get the wrong idea. Kramer also goes along to the hospital so that he can get some gloves to use in his apartment for redoing the wallpaper. In the hospital Elaine discovers that he has lost a lot of weight. He tells Elaine that after they broke up he was not able to eat for weeks. She naturally feels rather good about this effect she had on the man. Jerry goes to the corner and plays Yo Yo as Elaine tries to downplay her comments about Jerry being the boyfriend. Elaine arranges to have dinner with the man after the operation. She later tries to back out of this after she sees how he eats like a pig but Jerry won't help her with this. Kramer comments with the doctor about retractors which he heard about on 20/20 and the doctors tells him that those retractors will not be used. Kramer is invited to watch the operation, Jerry agrees to come to after commenting that it will be fun to see the guy cut open. Kramer snacks on Junior mints as the doctors operate and once even asks a doctor to move so he can get a better view. Kramer offers Jerry a mint but Jerry says no. Kramer persists and Jerry accidentally knocks the Junior Mint out of Kramer's hand and into the open wound of the man being operated on. Jerry and Kramer look on in horror and ponder what they have done. At first the man recovers from his operation but then falls very ill. George believes that the man may die so he invests $1900 in a painting by the man which he refers to as "the triangles." If the artist dies the panting could be worth some money he presumes. The man ultimately gets better and the doctor tells the gang that powers from above were at work to stay off the infection. This was humorous as the Junior Mint fell from above and into the wound earlie

Season 5

12* The Barber

Jerry gets a bad haircut but doesen't have the heart to tell his barber or get a new one. Jerry secretly gets a haircut by one of the barber's assitants in his apartment. He almost is found out by the barber at first but manages to hide the evidence. The barber suspects something and sends Newman over to try to retrieve a sample of Jerry's hair so he can know if his assitant is cutting Jerry's hair. Newman goes to Jerry's bathroom and can't find a single hair in Jerry's comb or sink. This reinforces the germophobe nature of Jerry which underlines many episodes. Newman then attempts to clip a piece of hair off Jerry directly. He sneaks behind him then crosses his arm mischivously when Jerry turns around. He finally reaches around the couch and gets a sample. The barber uses the hair sample to deduce Jerry is getting his hair cut by his assistant and goes to Jerry's apartment for a showdown. At first things appear to be going to get messy, but then Edward Scissorhands is seen on the TV and the barber and his assistant can't help but watch and be fascinated by the superhero with scissors. Jerry is supposed to attend a singles auction to raise money for charity but backs out. Elaine has to bring Kramer instead. She introduces Kramer as a tall high school graduate but quickly has to correct with equvalency program graduate. Kramer does his stroll and dance and trips into the audience. George gets a new job.

13* The Conversion

George likes a girl whose religion is Latvian Orthodox. George attempts to convert so that he can be with her. His parents catch him studying for the Latvian Orthodox test and are furious. Jerry finds fungus creme in his girlfriends medicine cabinent and asks Elaine if she can get her podiatrist friend's opinion on the creme. Jerry and Elaine get into trouble because Jerry said that podiatrists"are not real doctors."Elaine tells Jerry that the medicine cabinet is sacred and that he shouldn't have rambled through his girlfriend's. He retorts that it was cracked and he just peeked a bit. Jerry steals the cream and has the podiatrist look at it. Jerry learns that the creme was for his girlfriend's dog but has to explain why he took it from her. Kramer meets a sister at George's new church. She quickly becomes enfatuated with him. Kramer asks the advice of several wise men, and bathes in a smelly solution of vinegar. Then he meets with the sister and she is no longer attracted to him, much to Kramer's delight.

Season 6

15* The Race

Elaine dates a man who is a communist. She is facinated with the nostalogia of dating a communist. The man talks with Kramer about communism.Kramer gets a job as Santa at a mall. His friend Mickey plays an elf. One boy sits on his lap and tells him what he wants. Kramer responds that he really doesen't want what he thinks he does because its made in a third world country by someone not much older than he is. The small boy gets up, points, and excalims "Commie, Commie, traiter to our country." Kramer and his friend Mickey are now out of a job. Elaine's communist friend causes George to glance at the Daily Worker, the newspaper of the American Communist Party.. George notices the personals section and responds to an add placed by a woman that says "Looks are not important." Jerry asks "Who's looks her's or yours." George receieves a phone call about the add at work and Steinbrenner believes George is a communist. Jerry meets up with an old friend he beat in a race in High School. The friend insists Jerry started early which Jerry knew that he did. Finally Jerry agrees to race him again. This time a car muffle makes a loud sound just before the shot to race goes off. Jerry goes early and no one noties. He wins by a lot and jumps in triumph to the music from Superman.

3* The Switch

Jerry has a girlfriend that just doesen't laugh. However her roommate laughs a lot, and Jerry starts to like her. George and Jerry contemplate how to pull off the classic room mate switch in which you succesfully trade one room mate for another without offending the original girlfriend so much that she tells her room mate and ruins things for the new relationship. George comes up with the scheme of saying that Jerry wants a menage a trois with both of them. He figures this will upset the current girlfriend so that she will dump him and leave the possiblity of moving in on the more open minded funny room mate. Jerry finds that he can have them both as "they're into it." Jerry tells George that he doesen't wish to become an orgy guy as he will then need orgy friends and orgy clothes. George tells Jerry that he is passing up the chance of a lifetime. George is dating a model that he believes is bulimic. George plots to use Kramer's mother who is a bathroom matron to find out what she really does in the bathroom. The plan enables George to make a fool of himself in the women's bathroom. Kramer first name, Cosmo, is revealed for the first time.

16* The Jimmy

Elaine notices a new guy at her gym that she really wants to go out with. She tells George and Jerry how good looking he is and discvoers that men can not admit when another guy is good looking. She tells George that just because you admit another man is good looking you are not homosexual. George replies that it doesen't help. Elaine goes to the gym and tries to get the guys attention. She gets a smile and then the man is gone. She talks with another man at the gym about the man and the guy answers that Jimmy is unusual. Elaine believes that Jimmy is the guy she seeks. In reality she is talking to a man that refers to himself in the third person always. George starts to refer to himself in the thirdperson too as he says "George is getting mad." Jerry goes to the dentist and notices a Penthouse magazine in the reception area. Later when he is anesthetized for his dental work he awakes and sees the doctor and his assistant getting dressed. He wonders if his shirt was tucked out or in earlier and ponders if he has been violated or not. Jerry thinks this incident may make him "damaged goods." Elaine retorts with join the club. Kramer gets a fat lip and numbness after his trip to the dentist because his anesthetic has not worn off. A man who is throwing a foundation for the mentally handicapped notices Kramer and asks him to attend the foundation because he believes that Kramer is mentally challenged. Jerry tells Elaine that he really isn't far from that. Elaine invites Jimmy to go to the foundation with him. Jimmy gets into a fight with Kramer because Kramer broke his legs earlier. Kramer ends up wtih a swollen lip again. As he sits at the table in the foundation he appears retarded because of his speech and slur caused by his swollen lip.

14* The Fusilli Jerry

Kramer gets vanity plates that he ordered some time ago from the DMV. They read ASSMAN which was not what he requested but he posts it on his car nonetheless. Kramer wonders just who the assman is. George's mother has had eye surgery and has been suggested not to cry or laugh because it could hurt her eyes. Jerry invents a new move he does during sex and is mad when he finds out that Elaine's boyfriend, a mechanic does it too. Elaine loves the move but Jerry convinces him to stop using the move since it was originally Jerry's. The boyfriend tells Elaine that he has other moves but she is not enthused. Jerry later needs the assitance of the mechanic so Elaine's boyfriend can use the move again. Jerry tells George about the move but he gets it wrong and uses a bit too much knuckle at first. But the next time around George gets it right as he wrote down the move and followed the instructions during sex. His girlfriend discovers this and is furious. Kramer makes a statue of Jerry out of fusilli pasta. George's dad Frank accidentally falls on it. Frank goes to the proctologist and explains that it was another of those "freak accidents, that is one in a million." Kramer learns that the ASSMAN is a proctologist the same one Frank is going to.

Season 7

18* The Sponge

Elaine discovers that her favorite birth control method "the sponge" is going to be discontinued so she travels the city in search of all the sponges she can find. At first her search proves unsucessful but then she finds the mother load at one drug store and buys a whole closet full of sponges. She rations their use and requires her dates to prove they are spongeworthy before sleeping with them. One date agrees to shave his shadeburns after going over his case as a man who is spongworthy which included his health and their repoire Kramer walks in an AIDS walkathon but refuses to wear the ribbon which infuriates everyone at the walk. George finds that he can not keep anything from his girlfriend Susan including things "in the vault" which Jerry has shared with him. This gets him into trouble.

5* The Rye

George is invited over to a girlfriends parents house and brings a marble rye bread for them as a gift. In addition his father and mother accompany him and create quite a stir. George accidentally takes the bread he intended as a gift with him when he leaves. Jerry and George plan to reaquire a Rye Bread after George's parents hold onto the original. Kramer agrees to give the parents of George's girlfriend a carriage ride pulled by his trusty horse Rusty. As Jerry goes down to the bakery to purchase a Rye Bread he discovers the last one has been sold. He offers the old lady that purchased it far more than she paid but she refuses. Jerry then takes the bread and runs down the street with bread in hand after calling the lady an old bag. Kramer's horse has some gas problems after eating all of the beefy food Kramer fed to him because he overbought. The horse ride is cut short because of the smell and the family arrives back just as Jerry attempts to toss the bread up to George who waits inside the house for the bread. After many tosses it is finally decided to use a fishing rod to reel in the bread. After a joyful sigh of relief, George discovers his girlfriend and their family staring at him in disbelief.

Season 8

19* The Package

Kramer notices that Jerry has a stero he doesen't like and attempts to use mail fraud to get compensation for Jerry. He mails the stereo to Jerry in pieces with insurance. George believes the photolab girl likes him after he sees a few pictures of a woman mixed in with the photos that he picks up. Kramer convinces George that seduction is an ancient art and that he should play along by including a few revealing photos of himself in the next batch to be developed. Kramer convinces George to show off his pecs and pose with an arched back in his underwear. After the photos are sent to the photolab the usual photo lab girl goes on break and a larger man covers for her and develops the pictures. He finds George's photos interesting and includes a few interesting shots of himself in with the batch to be given to George. George, and Jerry are questioned at the post office for suspected mail fraud. Newman delights in questioning Jerry as he thinks this may be his final downfall. The lights in the room burn on Newman while Jerry sits cool and relaxed with a drink. Jerry agrees to pay a fine. George is shown a poster sized photo of himself in his underwear which he intended for the photo lab girl. Another picture shown is one of a big black man with a grin. This would be the man who actually developed his photos. George is suspected of running a secret underground pornography ring. Elaine attempts to get a look at her medical records because the word has gotten around that she is a difficulat patient (previous episode.) She enlists the aid of Kramer (after her efforts to impersonate a nurse fail) who poses as Dr Martin Vonnostrom from the clinic of Beligum. Kramer attempts to reclaim the records but is found out and his chart is changed to indicate his troublesome behavior too.

20* The Little Jerry

Jerry writes a check that bounces at the local market. The owner posts the check up for everyone to see and refuses to take it down. Kramer tries to get a hen so that he can have fresh eggs. Instead he finds out that he has gotten a rooster which explains the low egg production. Jerry learns that the store owner that posted his bounced check operates cock fights between roosters. Kramer nicknames his rooster little Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry and Kramer train him so that he can beat the big rooster during a cock fight after being asked to have their rooster take a dive early on. When the fight commences Kramer just can't go through with it and he intervenes and is pecked voraciously by the other huge rooster. As this is happening George's only concern is getting food such as Tomali. Elaine dates a man that shaves his head. Elaine talks him into growing it back after she sees pictures of how his hair used to look. The hair does not grow back as planned. George talks with the man about how much time he has left before he turns into a bald man just like George. The man believes he has about 1 good year left and lives it to the fullest as George recommends. He proposes to Elaine and gives her a big ring. George dates a convict from a woman's prison and finds it is the perfect relationship as he knows where she is, doesen't have to worry about the pop in, and has little competition. The women comes up for parole and George speaks of her "getting back with the gang" in the hopes that she will be turned down for parole. After being turned down for parole she escapes and goes to George. George is surprised but finds that the only thing better than conjugal visit sex, is fugitive sex. The police arrive to take her back and arrest Elaine's boyfriend by mistake since he is a short bald man just like George and they reason that it has to be him. Elaine turns down the marriage proposal and gives back the ring to her boyfriend in prison.

21* The Yada Yada

George's new girlfriend uses the phrase yada yada to skip to the end of a story. As George sees it she yada yadas over the best part of the story. George is told by his current girlfriend that "my boyfriend came over, and yadda yadda I'm feeling very tired." George suspects she yada yadad sex. Elaine tells George that she too has yada yadad sex but would not skip over the crab bisque she had during the story as it was the best part. Elaine speaks as a character witness so that her friend can adopt. Kramer and Mickey (his little friend) go on a double date but they can't decide who's date is who's. They compete for the dates and dash to the table like fools. Jerry becomes offended when his dentist Dr Wattley converts to the Jewish faith. Jerry believes he converted just for the jokes he could make about Jewish people if he was Jewish himself.

22* The Muffin Tops

Kramer gives a reality tour of J Peterman's life for a fee. He gives the tourist a series of wild stories and brings Jerry along. Jerry shaves his chest and learns from Kramer that the hair will just grow back thicker and fuller every time you shave it. Jerry finds his chest hairs itching a lot and his beard growing fuller and has to get off the tour bus. He takes to the woods like Jack Nicholson from the wolf. He itches and howls like a wolf. A muffin shop begins selling muffin tops without the bottoms but a huge amount of bottom tops pile up. To get rid of them Kramer tries to dump them in dumpsters all over the city but is turned down. He tries to give them to the homeless and is told no. Ultimately Elaine calls in the help of a "cleanerr" to dispose of the muffin tops. She brings in Newman who devours the muffin tops with the help of milk and his enormous appetite. To Newman "time is of the essence," as he sets down to accomplish his task.

Season 9

16* The Burning

George discovers that he always seems to put his foot in his mouth if he talks for too long about anything. He comes up with the idea of "leaving on a high note." After making one good comment he proclaims "I'm Out of here." and then leaves with those around him remembering the one good comment he had. He leaves on high notes from meetings at work. At first this strategy works well for him. George's boss Mr Kruger teams up with George on a project. Kruger begins leaving on a high note himself and leaves George with all the work. George spots his boss in a restaurant eating when he is supposed to be working. George pulls a role reversal and tells his boss to get back to work. This is ironic considering how well George has been at avoiding work all his life. Once he even hid under a desk at work all day when he was with the Yankees even. Jerry has a new girlfriend that has a mystery story that Jerry has overherd her talking about. It's called "the tractor story." George and Jerry ponders what it could be. George suggests that perhaps she had her big toe grafted onto her thumb because of an accident. Jerry tries discretely to nudge her into revealing it but it seems she won't give it up so easily. Kramer and his little friend Mickey decide to pretend to have illnesses for a local medical school to help the students learn about diagnosing illnesses. Kramer is assinged gonorrhea and smokes a pipe and tells of the burning urination he felt and gives a dramtic performance before the medical students guess with a smile that he had gonorrhea. For the next performance Kramer is assigned the same illness but feels he is being typecast and attempts to trade his disease with his friend Mickey. When Jerry and his girlfriend are in their apartment, Mickey comes in and exclaims that Kramer gave him gonorrhea. Kramer says he thought he would like it. They are referring to pretend diseases but Jerry's girlfriend doesen't know it so she tells them that at least they have each other and that she got gonorrhea from a ride on a tractor. Jerry's doesen't like this news so he dumps her. Elaine spots religious items "Jesus fish" on Puddy's car and determines that Puddy is somewhat religious. Puddy tells Elaine that she is going to hell, but he doesen't care. Elaine tells Puddy that he should care if she is going to hell even though she isn't. To Elaine hell is a place of heat and ragid clothes. Elaine and Puddy see a priest to discuss religion. The priest tells them that they both are going to hell because they are not married and are living in sin. Elaine and the priest then toy with Puddy and make devil horn gestures with their fingers.

23* The Maid

Everyone at George's work has a nickname so George decided that he will try to be known as T-bone. This doesen't work as another becomes known as T-Bone. George is from that moment on known as Coco as in Coco the chimp because of his antics with T-bone while trying to talk T-bone into letting him have the nickname. Kramer's girlfriend moves to downtown New York and this presents Kramer with a long distance relationship. He resolves this problem by watching movies with her on the phone and even going to the bathroom at the same time she says she does on the phone. Kramer signs up for a cooking fax newsletter which bombards Elaine's answering machine with many messages. Elaine then opts to get a new phone number to avoid the annoying faxes but gets a new area code as well which hampers her datelife. Ultimately someone dies in her apartment and she gets the phone number with her original area code. She is soon called by the grandson of the lady that died. After becoming annoyed with all the calls she pretends that "grammy" dies. The boy calls 911 and the fire department breaks down the door into Elaine's apartment. Jerry hires a maid named Cindy and pays her to clean his apartment. Eventually Cindy becomes his girlfriend and at first she cleans and is paid for cleaning. But as time goes on, she requires payment even when she no longer cleans. Kramer calls Jerry a John and insinuates that Cindy is a prostitute. Jerry then refuses to pay Cindy the next day because she did no cleaning. He then fires her and breaks up with her at the same time. Kramer travels downtown to rendevous with his girlfriend but gets lost and asks Jerry to pick him up. A man on the street harrases Jerry while en route to Kramer and tells him to pay Cindy for her troubles. Jerry finds Cindy and offers her money and is then arrested by Police for soliciting a prostitute. George discovers a maid named Coco and brings her to his boss in an attempt to rid himself of the Coco nickname at work. This works but he ends up with a new nickname not to his likeing. Kramer is picked up by Cindy's boss and asked if he can use a mop and a ringer. It seems he too will be able to work the streets.

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