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The Little Kicks

Elaine performs a wacky dance at work which she thinks is just spectacular. She has to be shown on video just how pathetic and awful her dance really is. Elaine makes a woman believe that George is a bad boy. This mystique gives her curiosity and a unique attraction to George. Elaine later tells the woman that George is not bad at all. George attempts to make himself appear bad by driving fast in his car and pretending to live a dangerous life. After getting arrested for trying to make a bootleg video his true colors show as he cries as his parents bail him out of jail. She is no longer convinced of George's bad boy image.. Kramer has begun making bootleg videos of movies showing at the theator for a friend. Kramer's bootlegs are the best as they use more than one camera. Kramer talks Jerry into helping him make a bootleg after George is caught trying and arrested. Jerry misses the ending of the movie in his bootleg; in its place is part of Elaine's wacky dance. The man believes this to be the ending to the movie and figures it was a really unique ending.

19* The Package

Kramer notices that Jerry has a stero he doesen't like and attempts to use mail fraud to get compensation for Jerry. He mails the stereo to Jerry in pieces with insurance. George believes the photolab girl likes him after he sees a few pictures of a woman mixed in with the photos that he picks up. Kramer convinces George that seduction is an ancient art and that he should play along by including a few revealing photos of himself in the next batch to be developed. Kramer convinces George to show off his pecs and pose with an arched back in his underwear. After the photos are sent to the photolab the usual photo lab girl goes on break and a larger man covers for her and develops the pictures. He finds George's photos interesting and includes a few interesting shots of himself in with the batch to be given to George. George, and Jerry are questioned at the post office for suspected mail fraud. Newman delights in questioning Jerry as he thinks this may be his final downfall. The lights in the room burn on Newman while Jerry sits cool and relaxed with a drink. Jerry agrees to pay a fine. George is shown a poster sized photo of himself in his underwear which he intended for the photo lab girl. Another picture shown is one of a big black man with a grin. This would be the man who actually developed his photos. George is suspected of running a secret underground pornography ring. Elaine attempts to get a look at her medical records because the word has gotten around that she is a difficulat patient (previous episode.) She enlists the aid of Kramer (after her efforts to impersonate a nurse fail) who poses as Dr Martin Vonnostrom from the clinic of Beligum. Kramer attempts to reclaim the records but is found out and his chart is changed to indicate his troublesome behavior too.

The Fatigues

Elaine finds it very hard to fire someone from the mailroom at work and ultimately promotes him instead. The man she wished to fired wore army fatigues and constantly talks of battle as he and Elaine try to finish the latest Peterman catalog. This fatigue guy causes everyone to quit the catalog project except for He and Elaine. Jerry's girlfriend has a friend that is mentoring under Kenny Bania, Seinfeld comedic rival. Seinfeld later becomes Bania's mentor reluctantly. George tries to learn about risk management via books on tape and soon discovers that the blind can get any book on tape so he fails an eye exam and pretends to be blind. Kramer needs George's dad Frank to help cook a Jewish meal. George was a cook in the navy who stopped cooking after food poisoning sickened his crew. Frank gets up the courage to cook the meal and mistakes a choking noise for vomitting and goes berserk and wrecks the dinner he prepared before his guests.

The Checks

Elaine's new boyfriend loves the Despardo song even though it drives Elaine crazy. She attempts to find another song that both and he and her share an interest in. Jerry receives a lot of small dollar amount royalty checks for a brief apperance he had on Japanese TV. After signing all of the checks, Jerry develops writers cramp. Kramer attempts to help some Japanese tourists out. He arranges for sleeping quarters in a very large chest of drawers. Kramer is convinced that Jerry's show would be perfect for Japanese television and plans to convince his tourists of this fact. The tourists ultimately get stuck in the chest because of humidity. Jerry attempts to get them out with an axe which scares the tourists greatly and ruins any chance for a show in Japan. George hires carpet cleaners that Kramer is convinved are a front for a religious cult. George tries to become on of them but they don't want him. George gets the carpet cleaners to clean Yankee stadium, they find a new recuit there. Jerry is angry because someone stole the way he twirls an unmbrella ans is using this technique to sell umbrellas.

The Chicken Roaster

Elaine misuses her companies expense account by letting George get an expensive hat. Elaine attempts to replace the hat with a fake Russian fur hat but that doesen't work. Elaine then travels to Burma in the hopes of finding her boss Peterman who can authorize and ok all of her expenses. A new chicken resturant opens up but the light from the sign offends Kramer so he switches apartments with Jerry. Jerry and Kramer switched more than apartments it seems. Jerry begins to act like Kramer complete with the entrance. Kramer begins to secretly like the chicken from the roaster. George starts to leave things behind in date's apartements so that he will have a reason to call them the next day and spend more time with them.

The Abstinence

George has to go without having sex with his girlfriend because she has a rare disease that intercourse could complicate. Without sex George starts to become smart. George figures that he spends all of his talents and intellect pursuing sex when it could be used for other things. Elaine dates someone who is nearly a doctor. Jerry is bumped from a Jr High career day and Kramer opens a smoking lounge which causes him to age prematurely.

The Andrea Doria

George competes with a survivor of the Andrea Doria shipwreck for the rights to a cheap apartment. At first the survivior seems to win the sympathy of the deciding pannel but then George intervenes and tells just how pathetic his life has been. The fianace he proposed to dies because of glue from bad envelopes, and he has never had a steady girlfriend or job. He has the group in tears and wins the apartment. Elaine dates a man that is bad at breaking up. He breaks up with Elaine by telling her that she has a big head. At first she asks if that is all he has to say. In time the comment seaps in and makes Elaine furious. She knows now why all the past girlfriends chased the man about scourning him before. In the end she is just like them as she too gives hell to the bad breakeruppper during another date. Newman plans to get the elusive mailroute job in Hawaii but has let his mail pile up. Jerry and Newman form an alliance in the hopes of ridding themselves from each other forever. Jerry helps Newman deliver the mail and delivers it on Sunday with the phrase "whoops" to describe why he is delivirng mail on Sunday. The plan is found out by Newman's boss as no one in the mail service ever breaks the 50 percent mark for mail being delivered correctly and not lost.

20* The Little Jerry

Jerry writes a check that bounces at the local market. The owner posts the check up for everyone to see and refuses to take it down. Kramer tries to get a hen so that he can have fresh eggs. Instead he finds out that he has gotten a rooster which explains the low egg production. Jerry learns that the store owner that posted his bounced check operates cock fights between roosters. Kramer nicknames his rooster little Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry and Kramer train him so that he can beat the big rooster during a cock fight after being asked to have their rooster take a dive early on. When the fight commences Kramer just can't go through with it and he intervenes and is pecked voraciously by the other huge rooster. As this is happening George's only concern is getting food such as Tomali. Elaine dates a man that shaves his head. Elaine talks him into growing it back after she sees pictures of how his hair used to look. The hair does not grow back as planned. George talks with the man about how much time he has left before he turns into a bald man just like George. The man believes he has about 1 good year left and lives it to the fullest as George recommends. He proposes to Elaine and gives her a big ring. George dates a convict from a woman's prison and finds it is the perfect relationship as he knows where she is, doesen't have to worry about the pop in, and has little competition. The women comes up for parole and George speaks of her "getting back with the gang" in the hopes that she will be turned down for parole. After being turned down for parole she escapes and goes to George. George is surprised but finds that the only thing better than conjugal visit sex, is fugitive sex. The police arrive to take her back and arrest Elaine's boyfriend by mistake since he is a short bald man just like George and they reason that it has to be him. Elaine turns down the marriage proposal and gives back the ring to her boyfriend in prison.

The Money

Jerry's parents sell the cadillac he gave them to Jack Klompus for $6000 so that they can help Jerry out who they think has run into bad times financially. Jerry travels to Florida to buy the car back from Klompus and has to pay $14,000. Jerry ends up sleeping in the car. Jerry and George contemplate how wealthy their parents are. George thinks he has a big inheritance coming so he spends a bit too much. Jerry's dad Morty gets a job at the Peterman company via Elaine.

The Comeback

George gets upstaged at a meeting by a coworker named Reily and can not think of a proper comeback until it is too late. Jerry buys a tennis racket from someone he believes to be a professional. He later discovers the tennis player is no professional at all. Kramer and Elaine discuss video picks at the video store. Elaine prefers things that a reviewer named Vincent likes. Elaine is delighted when Vincent displays an interest in her. As a result of the latest video he saw Kramer starts to think about what would happen if he went into a comma. Kramer decides he needs a living will. George learns that Reily who upstaged him earlier no longer works for the Yankees. George like an idiot decides to travel to Ohio to deliver his comeback line in person to Reily.

The Van Buren Boys

George interviews candidates for foundation funds from the foundation he set up in a previous episode for Susan after her death. George doesen't like anyone he interviews until he discovers a boy that is much like him in his desire to be an architect. George agrees to give him scholarship money. George encounters a gang of boys known as the Van Buren Boys. He saves himself from their wrath by flashing a gang sign by luck. George ultimately learns that he can not give the sholarship to his first choice and has to break the news. His "disciple" joins the Van Buren Boys and turns against Geoge. George attempts to show how tough he is by saying strong words while attempting to steal from his parents who have just come around the street corner. His plan does not work and the Van Buren boys are now onto him and know he is not one of them. Peterman, Elaine's boss decides that he wants a biography written of his life. Peterman's life is boring, and Elaine finds she can do little with the stories. Peterman hears of some of the stories of Kramer's life and buys the rights to them for $750 dollars. Elaine thinks that Kramer's stories are stupid but Peterman loves them. Elaine decides that she can make up even more tales than Kramer's life can provide. She tells them to Peterman and he hates them. Then she tells one of Kramer's stories and he loves it. Peterman comes to believe that the story Elaine made up was Kramer's so Peterman lets Kramer have the rights to his stories back. Elaine is left pondering what to do for the biograpy now. Jerry's new girlfriend Ellen is perfect in every way and nicer to Jerry than anyone ever has been. Others however are suspicious of her including Kramer, and Elaine. Jerry utlimately asks his parents what they think of her. They like her, so Jerry figures if they like her, she would have to absolutely by terrible for him, so he dumps her.

The Susie

Elaine invents an alter ego at work known as Susie after coworker Peggy calls her Susie by mistake. Susie is blamed for everything both good and bad. The fact that only Elaine can find Susie seems to be making her more popular at work as well. Peterman her boss asks to see Susie and Elaine in his office. Elaine fakes Susie's death to avoid this awkward and impossible situation. Kramer makes a bet in Jerry's name and the bookie comes after Jerry. Kramer causes George to lose his girlfriend.

The Pothole

Jerry drops his girlfriend's toothbrush in the toilet and puts it back before he can tell her and she uses it. Jerry thinks with disgust about where the toothbrush was and refuses to kiss her or tell her why he won't. He attempts to sterlize her mouth with everything he can think of. Elaine tells Jerry that is he can't get over this it proves he is truly a germophobe. He finally tells her and then she goes in Jerry's bathroom and drops something of his in the toilet. Jerry frantically goes to his bathroom to contemplate what it could be. Kramer adopts a highway and keeps it meticulously clean. He decides that the lanes are too narrow so he puts black paint over the lines in the road. Kramer accidentally spills paint thinner on the road which causes sparks to ignite on Newman's mail truck when he is barreling down the road. Elaine wants Chinese food from a delivery service that will not deliver to her side of the street. She moves into the Janitor's closet across the street and pretends it is her apartment to receive her delivery there.

The English Patient

Elaine becomes alienated from others because she dislikes the movie the English Patient. SHe tells her boss Mr Peterman that she hasn't seen it rather than tell him the truth. He arranges for her to see it again. George is mistaken by a beautiful woman, Danielle for her boyfriend Neil. George becomes rather curious to meet Neil and see if there really are in similarities between him and Neil. Jerry picks up some Cubans for Kramer which he believes to be Cigars but soon discovers to be Domincan people. Kramer teaches his dominicans about communism and fears them revolting against the labor conditions he has placed on them whcih they ultimately do. Jerry travels to Florida to be with his parents. There he meets Izzy an 80 year old man who is fiercly competivie and challenges :Jerry to a weighlifting competition. Izzy throws out his back repeateldly. Jerry later visits Izzy in the hopsital and meets Izzy's relatvies who also are crazy in the ways of competition. One attempts to lift a TV as a sign of strength and also throws out his back.

The Nap

George decides that he needs a place to nap at work and decides to sleep under his desk. By hiding in his office under his desk all day no one can find him and everyone assumes George is busy working. A contractor is redoing Jerry's kitchen but the work proves unsatisfactory to Jerry. George has Jerry's contractor modify his desk by including space for an alarm clock. George's boss one day decides to wait in his office for George to return. George has Jerry call in a bomb threat to get Stenbrenner out of the room. Steinbrenner finds George under his desk and deduces that George has ESP and anticipated the bomb threat. Steinbrenner tells George to negoiate with the people that placed the bomb. Elaine has a new boyrfirned that has given her a bed mattress as a gift. She believes this is too much of a commitement gift so she gives the matrees to Kramer. She later sees the gift as something to help her sleep comfortable and gets it back. Kramer takes up a new hobby swimming, but finds that he needs a lot of open space. He swims in New York's East River and soon is joined by Elaine's boyfriend. After that it seems that hundreds of people are in Kramer's swimming spot. The allure of isolation is lost for Kramer.

21* The Yada Yada

George's new girlfriend uses the phrase yada yada to skip to the end of a story. As George sees it she yada yadas over the best part of the story. George is told by his current girlfriend that "my boyfriend came over, and yadda yadda I'm feeling very tired." George suspects she yada yadad sex. Elaine tells George that she too has yada yadad sex but would not skip over the crab bisque she had during the story as it was the best part. Elaine speaks as a character witness so that her friend can adopt. Kramer and Mickey (his little friend) go on a double date but they can't decide who's date is who's. They compete for the dates and dash to the table like fools. Jerry becomes offended when his dentist Dr Wattley converts to the Jewish faith. Jerry believes he converted just for the jokes he could make about Jewish people if he was Jewish himself.

The Millennium

Kramer and Newman plan competing millenium celebrations. Kramer calls his celebration the Kraminium. Newman calls his the Newmanium. Jerry points out that Newman's party is scheduled for the beginning of the first year of millenium which would be January 1, 2001 which would be a year later than when most people celebrate the millenium. Jerry worries about his position on his girlfriend's speed dial. Elaine tries to hurt a clothing stores business and enlists the aid of Kramer. Kramer comes in the sore under the alias of H.E. Pennypacker the wealthy industralist. Kramer takes numerous clothes into the trying on room including several female garments. Kramer removes all of the decadents from the clothing which will cause moisture to damge the clothing over a period of years. He reasons that he has ruined them by this. George tries to get fired from the Yankees so that he can get out of his contract and go to a job at the Mets that he believes is waiting for him. George drags World Series trophey's around the parking lot and wears a Yankee star's jersey which he stains. Ironically Steinbrenner his boss finds this humorous and starts wearing Joe Dimagio's pants. Steinbrenner comes to believe that George is being offered a job with Tyson chicken. Steinbrenner negoiates to keep George in exchange for allowing Tyson to have various chicken products in his ballpark. George's supervisor leaves the organization to work for the Mets.

22* The Muffin Tops

Kramer gives a reality tour of J Peterman's life for a fee. He gives the tourist a series of wild stories and brings Jerry along. Jerry shaves his chest and learns from Kramer that the hair will just grow back thicker and fuller every time you shave it. Jerry finds his chest hairs itching a lot and his beard growing fuller and has to get off the tour bus. He takes to the woods like Jack Nicholson from the wolf. He itches and howls like a wolf. A muffin shop begins selling muffin tops without the bottoms but a huge amount of bottom tops pile up. To get rid of them Kramer tries to dump them in dumpsters all over the city but is turned down. He tries to give them to the homeless and is told no. Ultimately Elaine calls in the help of a "cleanerr" to dispose of the muffin tops. She brings in Newman who devours the muffin tops with the help of milk and his enormous appetite. To Newman "time is of the essence," as he sets down to accomplish his task.

The Summer of George

George discovers that he is due severance pay from the Yankees that should last him 3 months. George prepares for a nice relaxing summer. Jerry goes to the Tony awards as an invited guest. Kramer just sneaks in and takes an available seat. Elaine comments on how a female coworker walks like a cat. Everyone at work thinks about the possiblity of a cat fight between Elaine and the catty walker. Kramer accepts a Tony Award for a Raquel Welch film because of where he is seated. Kramer uses his Tony Award as a ticket into the production of a new film Scarsdale Surprise. Jerry is having trouble with his girlfriend and decides to pool his mental abilities with those of George to meet the challenge. Raquel Welch is fired from a production and sees someone who appears to be making fun of her walk. That person is of course Elaine, and a cat fight ensues.

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